You Suck: A Love Story Chapter 29~30

Chapter Twenty-nineDont You Hate Running into Your Ex?As soon as she unlocked the advanced lofts security door from the route, Jody smelled blood, burned flesh, and shampoo. A case of the willies that felt akin an electric serpent slithered up her spine. She went up the stairs, light on the b alones of her feet, ready. She heard either tick in the apartment, the refrigerator motor, taleboards shifting, the huge cat Chet snoring in the bedroom, and, of course, most adept breathing.The lights were off. He was sitting in a chamberpotvas sling-back chair, barefoot, in a pair of Tommys jeans and a T-shirt, drying his hair with a towel. Jody stopped by the kitchen.Fledgling, said the vampire. Im forever and a day pleasantly surprised when I am reminded of how lovely you are. Surprises are rarified at my age.Must assume surprised the fuck bring out of you to have that Honda toast you, then, huh? She felt herself tightening d ingest, the electric jangle channeling itself into an a wareness, an edge. It wasnt fear anymore, it was readiness.An unpleasant one, yes. I assume your little servant is safe for now.Well, you know, she was winded for a few minutes from kicking your ass, still she is just a little young lady.The vampire laughed, and Jody couldnt inspection and repair tho smile. She went to the windows at the front of the loft and opened them. Smells standardised burned meat in here.Shell have to go, you know, said the vampire, still smiling.No, she wont, Jody off-key on her heel. face him.Of course she will. All of them precisely you. Im quite tired of creation alone, little one. You can come away with me, just as we planned.Jody was stunned at his density. I was trickery to you, Elijah. I never int obliterateed to go away with you. I was just building to find out how to be a vampire.What were you press release to do the next night, then if your pet hadnt bronzed us, I mean?I thought Id send you away.No you didnt.I thought Id let the Animal s kill you, standardised they were going to anyway.No you didnt.I dont know. The edge was slipping. I dont know. Maybe she was going to go with him. She had felt so alone, so lost.Ah, so here we are again. Lets pretend like all this unpleasantness hasnt happened, and its the next night, and here we are, just the 2 of us. The exclusively ones of our kind. What will you do, Jody?But we arent the only ones of our kind.We are the only ones you need worry intimately. You do know that you are the first new vampire in a hundred years?Jody tried not to show her surprise. How lucky for me, she said.Oh, youre not the only one Ive turned. Ive turned many. Youre the only one who could weather the change with her mind intact. The others had to be, well, decommissioned.You killed them?Yes. But not you. Help me clean up and then well kick the bucket, together.Clean up?There are certain rules, love. Rules that I set follow up myself, and the first of them is make no more vampires. Yet youve let loose a tempest of fledglings, and they all have to be cleaned up, including your boy pet.Make no more? What about me? You do me.I didnt expect you to survive, love. I thought you would be an amusement, a break in monotony, an interlude, scarcely you distinguished yourself.And now you necessitate me to run off with you.Well live like royalty. I have resources you couldnt imagine.Youre going stolen jeans, sugar daddy.Well, yes, I will have to make my way to one of my caches.I have an idea, Jody said, and this was authoritatively the reason she had come here, by herself, knowing that he would be here. Or at least hoping. How about I give you enough money to get you out of town and you do that, just like we promised Rivera and Cavuto? You leave me alone, you leave Tommy alone, you just leave.Elijah stood now, tossed the towel on the chair, and moved to her so quickly that she could barely plain mind him move. Art, music, literature, said Elijah. Desire, passion, creator t he best of man and the best of beast. Together. You would assign no to that?He put his hand on her cheek and she let him.Love? Jody said, looking into his look they reflected like drops of mercury in her night vision.For fagot tales. We are the stuff from which nightmares are made. Make nightmares with me.Wow, nice offer. Cant imagine why you havent had any takers for a hundred years. Jody grabbed his wrist. If he wouldnt leave, she could take him. She was a vampire, too.The vampire had been smiling, but his smile changed aspect, going from pleased to predatory. So be it, then.His hand was at her neck in an instant, she didnt see him move or have a happening to react. Suddenly she couldnt move her arms or legs, and there was an intense pain behind her ear and under her jaw. She screamed, releasing a sound she couldnt imagine approach path out of a human, more like something youd hear from a tortured cat. He clamped his other hand everyplace her mouth.I didnt teach you everyth ing in our one night together, love.She watched helplessly as he tossed his head back and his fangs unsheathed. troy weight Lee squared off against Drew at the end of the dog-food aisle, two misfortunate fighting swords in hand.Bring it, stoner, Troy Lee said. He spun the swords. Drew fell into a crouch by the dishwashing liquids.Im fast now, Drew said.Uh-huh, Troy said. He whipped the swords through the air in a deadly fanning motion. Hed been training since he was a child he wasnt afraid, especially of Drew.Hey, came a womans voice from dependable beside him. Troy Lee looked over, lightning quick, just in time to register what looked like a full moon culmination at his face.There was a sporty clang and Troy was nearly flipped over backwards when the iron skillet sprout him in the forehead. Blue let it drop to her side and grinned at Drew. Ive always wanted to do that.Housewares used to be my aisle, Drew said.Take him, said Blue. Let him imbibing some of your blood before he dies. She headed toward a kerfuffle in the can aisle. Save some, boys. Mamas got a broken nose that needs to heal.Jody felt her own fangs extend and her kneecaps quiver as Elijah fed on her, but otherwise she couldnt move. How could she have been so stupid? He was eight hundred years mature of course he hadnt taught her everything. Of course he was stronger than she was she was stronger than Tommy, and she had only been a vampire a couple of months longer than he had.If she could stay conscious, maybe when he stopped feeding she could make her move. Could he reduce her to dust like a human, or would he have to do something else? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Why didnt she know all of this? Why wasnt she acting on instinct? Where was the predator mind when you call for it?Her vision started to tunnel down she was losing consciousness. She could hear rapid footsteps outside, though. First below, then across the street, then below again. Elijah heard them, too, and he loosened his grip for an instant, but before she could twist away, his fingers dug into her neck and jaw again. and so a black blur flew through the window and she heard something thud on the floor over by the kitchen. There was another loud thud and Elijah released her and she fell to the floor. She tried to push herself up, but something was thrown over her and she heard a bombilate sound. She heard screaming and smelled burning flesh, glass breaking, then someone was lifting her, carrying her. She couldnt move or even fight anymore. She let go, let herself float away, but the final stage thing she heard was a girls voice narrateing, Did you feed Chet?The emperor moth sat on the dock of the St. Francis Yacht Club, watching the muddiness wash over the breakwater. Hed bypast against the advice of the homicide detectives and had left the grocery store. It was his city, and it was his place to take the battle to its attackers. He had cowered in fear long enough. His wickedly pointed sword lay on the dock at his side. The men, Bummer and Lazarus, were sleeping in a fuzzy pile at his back.Ah, gentle warriors, how do we engage in battle when our enemy moves with such elegant thievery? Perhaps we should return to the Safeway and help defend.Bummers left ear twitched, and he let out a muffled ruff in his sleep.A thick wedge of fog was moving down from the opening in the breakwater and it caught the emperor moths attention because it appeared to be moving across the wind from the west. Yes, it was indeed the cold breeze was coming straight over the breakwater from the north. The fog bank bubbled thick as it moved, tendrils reached out and then were reabsorbed like the false feet of some crawling creature.The Emperor climbed to his feet and roused the men, snatched Bummer up before the sleepy terrier could get his bearings, and headed toward the clubhouse with Lazarus at his heels. He crouched in a shadow by the entrance to the restrooms, holding the hounds as he watched.The fo g bank enveloped the end of the dock, paused, then dissipated as if a fan had been turned on it, and three tall figures stood on the dock, a man and two women. They wore long coats, cashmere, the Emperor thought, but he couldnt for the life of him remember why he exponent know that. They moved down the dock toward him as if they were floating. The Emperor could see their outlines in the moonlight jawlines and cheekbones that looked as if theyd been chiseled, square shoulders, and narrow hips. They might have been brother and sisters, except one of the women was of African descent, the other looked like she might be Italian or Greek. The man was a head taller than the women and looked Nordic, perhaps German, with close-cropped white hair. All were as pale as bleached bone.As they passed him the Emperor pulled the hounds closer and Bummer let out a threatening ruff.They stopped. The man turned. How long have you been here? he asked.Forever, I echo, said the Emperor.The man smiled a nd nodded, then turned and was on his way. I know how you feel, he said without looking back.Gustavo and Jeff found Barry hiding in the shelves among the toilet-paper packages. When they got close, Barry burst out of the TP and made a run for the end of the aisle, pulling napkins, aluminum foil, garbage bags, and plastic silverware off the shelves as he went to slow his pursuers. Gustavo went down first, slipping on a package of plastic forks. Jeff high-stepped through the obstacles and was right on Barrys ass until he was almost to the end of the aisle and Lash stepped out holding one of Barrys spearguns.Down Lash barked, and Barry hit the tile on his chest and slid.There was a pneumatic hiss and the sullen stainless spear thudded into Jeffs sternum and blew him back off his feet.Ow, goddammit, said the power forward, clutching at the spear and trying to pull it out of his chest.Gustavo climbed to his feet, ran to Jeff, and started yanking on the spear.Lash handed Barry a four-foo t-long stick with a blunt metal tip on it and fitted another spear into the gun.That the last one? Barry asked.Lash nodded. Wheres Clint?Just then the tall blond woman appeared at the far end of the aisle, dragging an unconscious Clint by his collar. A wide bloodstain ran from her chin to her crotch and they could see her fangs even from this distance. Bad boys. Leaving your born-again lying on the floor where people can trip over him.She dropped Clint on his face, and headed up the aisle toward them, in long, slow strides.Lash bolted, Barry right behind them, through the canvas doors into the back room, and into the walk-in dairy farm cooler. It was like a long hallway with plastic milk boxes stacked on one side and the glass dairy cases on the other. They pushed stacks of heavy one-gallon milk boxes in front of the door, then leaned with their backs against the back of the cooler, watching the store through the clear cooler doors in the dairy case, over the cartons of yogurt and cottage cheese.Whats that shes carrying? Barry asked.A frying pan, Lash said.Oh, Barry said Sorry I let her in. She was almost naked.How could you have known?Well, when she claimed she had a nooky-gram for my birthday, I should have figured something was up.Your birthdays like in March, isnt it?Yeah.Lash slapped Barry hard once on his bare scalp, then re-aimed the speargun over the yogurts.I deserved that, Barry said.Think that spear hit Jeffs heart?Had to. Its a foot through his sternum.He doesnt seem dead.Guess that means head shot. Barry shook his head. You want me to try?Nah, if I miss, you have the bang stick. Lash nodded at the long stick Barry was holding at port arms. Essentially it was a twelve-gauge shotgun shell on the end of a stick, used for killing sharks. You poked them with it and the shotgun shell fired into them at point-blank range.Ill bet she doesnt even know what it is.Get it right, Lash said. Blow her fucking brains out. They looked at each other as they heard the refrigeration compressors and fans wind down. wherefore the lights went out.Were fucked, Lash said.Yep, Barry agreed.Chapter ThirtyBeing the Chronicles of Abby NormalDark and Mysterious Goddess of Forbidden LoveDont judge me. I have looked death in the face and made him my bitch I did what I did out of love, and I dont want to sound conceited, but OMG, we are heroes And when I say we, I mean us.Had I told you before, you would have called me losah pronounced me perky and cute beyond redemption, but now that I am secure in my own nefarious love lair and whatnot, I can at last confess, that in my naive youth, my favorite literary character was not the tentacled abhorrence Cthulu from Lovecraft as I previously stated in AP English 235, but, in fact, Pippi Longstocking. Before you condemn me for my Pippism, retrovert it outPippi drank a lot of coffee. (Because, like me, she was wise.)Pippi had by artificial means red hair (as I, myself have had, upon occasion).Pippi often wore long, stripy socks (as yours truly has been known to do).Pippi had superhuman strength. (It could happen.)Pippi kicked ass. (Not unlike your humble narrator.)Pippi was a kid who lived without parents in her own house. (Go, girl)With a monkey. (Havent you always wanted a monkey?)What Longstockings did not have, was the coolest cyber-ninja-sex-magic boyfriend to ever save the initiation and whatnot. (Props to Pip, but girlfriend needed some yang to lean her yin.)Steve. My darling, my love,My heart is aflameBut OMFG, Steve,I grieve,That youre nameIs so fucking lame.I call him Foo Dog, because he guards the gate of my temple, if you know what I mean. Im wearing the diadem he made me right now. I had it on when they came for me, but thats not the thing. The thing is, I didnt save myself, I saved love.So, that night, after I told the Countess how my kind Foo Dog saved me from the vampyre, the Countess said she was going to go back to the loft to get some money and feed Chet and get th e last of Williams blood for gentle englut, for their love is truly eternal. And Jared and I were like, Well go, too, but the Countess sent us back to liberate the vampyre Flood from Jareds basement and his hideous family. So we were all, Well, okay.But when we got to Jareds house, Flood was wholly gone. And then Steve I mean Foo Dog called me and he was all, Im getting off work early, I dont want to leave you out there unprotected.So I told him where we were. Then Lord Flood comes walking out of the dark and hes all, What? What? What?And Im all, The Countess went back to the loft.And hes all, She is in danger. We must away.And I was like, Chill thee thus, for my sweet love-ninja is on the way in his fly ride.So Flood was like, Kay.I see now that my attraction to the vampyre Flood was nothing more than childish infatuation, never to be requited, because he had eye only for the Countess.So it was a little awkward when Steve showed up and I had to chill the Lord Flood and make h im sit in the backseat to show that my real affections were with Foo Dog, who was formerly known as Steve.And when we got to the loft, the windows were open, but there were no lights on. And Flood had us drive a block past, then we got out and he walked back. Then he runs up and hes like, Elijahs up there. Hes got her.And Im all, Then go get her.And Steve is like, No, Ill go get her. And he pulls this long coat out of the trunk.Its all covered with warts or something, and Im like, Nice coat, but you know, vampyreAnd Steve is like, Theyre UV LEDs. Like the lights we burned the vampires with before.And Im like, SweetSo Steve starts to put the coat on and Flood stops him and goes, Hell hear you coming up the stairs. Ill go.And Steve is all, You cant. It will burn you, too.And Flood is all, No it wont.So they are like five minutes behind the car putting together this ber-cool ensem of like an old gas mask, and a hoodie, and full-on gloves and everything, until Flood is entirely covered , wearing the long coat with the glass warts all over it, looking like one of the cenobites from Hellraiser.And Steve is like, Dont hit the wear round until you know shes covered. And he hands Flood like a black rubber tarp and a baseball bat, which totally sucked the cool right out of the ensem, but I guess was necessary.Then, just when Im about to ask how hes going to get in without being heard, we hear the Countess scream, and Flood runs across the street and about halfway up the side of the building, then turns and runs down it, then across the street, up the side of his building, and goes through the window feet fucking first.And Im like, Whoa.And Steve and Jared are like, Whoa.And a blink of an eye later we hear a thumping, and purple light comes on in the loft windows and the old vampyre comes crashing through the windows on fucking fire, falling like a comet And he lands on his feet in the middle of the street, hisses once and looks at us, and thats when Steve holds up one of his UV floodlights, and the vampyre fucking scrams down the alley across the street so fast that he was just a blur.Next thing, Flood is coming out of the building carrying the Countess, who is wrapped in the black rubber tarp and is totally roofied like a limp rag. And Steves all, Get her in the car.And Im like, Did you feed Chet?And Jared is like, Hello, Abby, the other vampyres.So Im like, Shut up. I know. So we all piled into Steves car and we took Flood and the Countess to a hotel off up on Van Ness, which Steve paid for with his Visa, which was generous and mature of him.It was one of those motels where you have your own entrance to the parking lot so they dont see you in the hallway, so Flood carried the Countess up to the room, and we carried some stuff that Steve had packed up in the trunk of his car.It was so sad. Flood just stroked the Countesss cheek and tried to get her to wake up, but she wouldnt. And he was all, Abby, she needs to feed. I wouldnt ask, but hes done something to her, shes hurt.And I would have totally done it, but Steve pulled me back, and he picks up this playmate cooler that he had us bring up, and he pulls out these pouches of blood.And he hands them to Flood and says, I took them from the university hospital. They could kick me out of school for this.And Flood is all, Thanks. And he bites a hole in one of the pouches and squeezes it on the Countesss lips and thats when I started to cry.There were like four pouches, and when he was going for the last one, Steve was like, You need to drink that one.And Flood was like, No way, its for her.And Steve was like, You know you do.So Flood like nodded and drank the last one himself, and then he just sat there by her, stroke her hair.Then Steve was like, Tommy, you know I can reverse your vampirism. Im pretty sure the process works.And Flood just looked at him and nodded. It was so sad. And then the Countess started to moan, and she opened her eyes and she saw the vampyre Flood and she was all, Hey, baby. Just like that. And I started crying again like a big wuss and Steve took Jared and me out to the car to give them some space.And Steve was like, I made this for you from my jacket. And he put this leather motorcycle jacket on me that was covered with those glass LED thingies. It was kinda heavy, because there were batteries built into the padding, but cool. And he was all, This will keep you safe. The switch is in the snap on the left cuff. Just squeeze it and the lights will come on. They wont hurt you, but you should wear sunglasses to protect your retinas. Then he put a pair of totally cyber wraparound sunglasses on me and kissed me. And I kissed him back, hard, with major tongue, and finally he pulled away, as gentle as a butterfly. So then I slapped him, so he wouldnt think I was a slut. But so he wouldnt think I was being frigid, I sort of jumped on him and wrapped my legs around him and sort of accidentally rode him to the ground and was accidentally kind of dry-humping him on the pavement when the lights on my jacket came on and people looked out their hotel windows and whatnot, so Jared ended our special romantic moment by hitting my light switch and dragging me off.And I was all, You are THE MAN, FooAnd he was all, Huh? Because I hadnt told him yet that his new name was Foo Dog.But then he said he actually had to get home and check in or his parents would freak out. And said to watch the masters until I got back, if I got a chance try to talk them into being converted. So we made out on the hood of the Honda for a while and he drove off into nights cold loneliness like the superhero that he is. (The effect was ruined, kind of, in that Jared caught a ride with him.)So I went back upstairs and sat at the foot of the masters bed, keeping guard and listening to them.They were talking softly, but I could hear them.The vampyre Flood was all, Maybe we should give it a try.And the Countess was all, What, the cure? Tommy, it cant work . Youve seen what I can do, you know what you can do. This isnt biology, this is magic.Maybe its not. Maybe its science we dont know yet.It doesnt matter. We dont even know if it works.We should try.Why would we try, Tommy? Youve only been immortal for a couple of weeks. Do you want to give up the power, the I dont know the command over your world?Well yes.You do?Yeah. I dont like it, Jody. I dont like being afraid all the time. I dont like being alone. I dont like being a killer.That woman was torturing you, Tommy. Thats never going to happen again.Thats wasnt the problem. Id get over her. The problem was that I liked it. I liked it.Then the Countess was quiet down for a while, and I thought it might be dawn or something, but I peeked over the edge of the bed and she was just staring into his eyes. She looked over at me.Hey, girlie girl, the Countess said, and she smiled at me and it felt like a gift or something. It was like, real. Then she took her watch off and threw it to m e at the end of the bed. That has an automatic almanac in it how about you set the alarm to go off about twenty minutes before sunset, so you dont get caught out again, okay? And I was going to tell her about the jacket that Foo made for me, but I kind of couldnt talk, so I just nodded and put the watch on and slid back down to the floor.Then I heard the Countess go, You arent alone. Im here. We can go where no one knows us, no one is chasing us, and Ill always be here for you.And he goes, I know. I mean alone from everyone else. Separate. I want to be human, not some foul dead thing.I thought you wanted to be special.I do, but I want to be human special because of something I did.Then it was quiet for a while, and finally the Countess goes, I love it, Tommy. Im not afraid all the time like you just the opposite. I didnt realize how afraid I used to be until I became like this. I like walking the street knowing that Im the Alpha animal, hearing and seeing and smelling everything, being part of everything. I like it. I wanted to share that with you.Its okay. You couldnt have known.I dont want to be alone either. Thats why I turned you. I love you.Then the alarm went off on Lord Floods watch, and he shut it off.Then hes all, We cant go back to the way it was, before, I mean? Where I look after you?Its not the same world, Tommy. You know that now. We were in the same room in different worlds.Okay then. I love you, Jody.I love you, too, goes the Countess.Then they didnt say anything for a long time, and when my new watch showed that the sun was up, I looked, and they were lying there, holding each other, and I could see the red stains on the pillow from their tears.And I was like, Oh, hell no